A Realization.

 I often look at them, try to study them. Their perfect hair, manicures and dress. These girls, they’re not much older than me, not at all. And yet they’re so much far ahead it seems. They’re bright. They’re going places. They’ve got good jobs, steady relationships, wonderful academics, or blogs with over five-hundred followers. Their photography is amazing, as is their fashion sense and wording. They’ve got the whole world at the tip of their fingers, even their “bad days” are glamorous. They don’t smile too big or laugh too loud, their hair is just the right touch of messy. always.

And I? I’m just … here.

 Most days I wear a faded soccer Brazil shirt two sizes too big and multi-colored socks. My hair’s up in a bun with stray curls falling every which way they please. I read books that are too big and too full of fluff; I grow out my hair, memorize the phases of the moon and a sailor’s song just because it’s on my bucket-list. I still make lists. Handwritten ones. I obsess. I let people scare me. I  get frustrated. I’m not always secure or as confident as I wish I were. More than half the strange and complex recipes I pick and try out end up in flops. I have bad hair days. I often don’t know what to wear. I lose my temper. I get impressed easily and don’t cry in public. I fail road tests and loose things. I have an internship not a job, my relationships are shaky at best, my academics all I have, and fifty blog followers still a dream. One time I had someone look at a picture of friends with me, point me out of the photo, laugh and say, “Look at her face, at the way she’s smiling, she’s just.. too happy!” Apparently it’s wrong. To smile big. There’s such a thing as “too happy.” I don’t know what’s the “just right” amount of happy.

 But recently I’ve made a realization. One I think is important. One that I’ve made before, but have forgotten. One I occasionally have to re-remember. I’ve realized that .. it just doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t really matter what they do, or how they live. It really matters what do and how live. And I’ve realized that all I really ever want to be, is me. No comparisons, just simply this. Me. I want to continue wearing large t’s and colorful socks, to do seemingly unimportant things while I still can, to love too much, to be too happy, to read silly books, to fail and try again, to keep on going and glue back the pieces of me. Because all of these broken and random little things, they make up Me. And you know what?

I’m beautiful.

 No, I don’t mean that in a haughty sense. I think all girls are beautiful. Somehow, some way. In different ways possibly. Inside or out, or preferably both. But deep inside, there’s always a little bit of beauty, somewhere. In her eyes, in her words, in her acts. Every girl is beautiful. So don’t ever tell a girl she’s not. Because she’ll believe you. And she doesn’t deserve that. No one does.

She’s beautiful.

You’re beautiful.

23 thoughts on “A Realization.

  1. Larissa T. August 11, 2012 / 11:59 pm

    *happy dance* Welcome Deb. (: Thank you for being you!


  2. Larissa T. August 11, 2012 / 11:58 pm

    Oh! I like that one! Definitely right! Definitely remembering that one.

    Thank you. (:


  3. Larissa T. August 11, 2012 / 11:53 pm

    I love letters, April! (:

    I'm so happy you went further with your goal. (:


  4. Larissa T. August 11, 2012 / 11:50 pm

    Thanks Margi! Loved the quote.

    I've given in to Pinterest. .. I'm weak like that … hehe


  5. dbstevens August 10, 2012 / 10:26 pm

    One more follower, here. This was awesome. Thanks for the inspirational words, and for being okay with you. It helps me feel more okay with being me.


  6. Tiffanie August 9, 2012 / 7:38 pm

    You have such a tremendous (and lovely) head on your shoulders, LT! Especially in this internet age, in this bloggy age, I've found now more than ever that I must keep reminding myself of this quote from Theodore Roosevelt (which was also found on some blog somewhere) and it always helps:

    Comparison is the thief of joy.

    Right? Seems like you've already figured that out, just keep remembering it. 🙂


  7. Molly Jo August 8, 2012 / 10:54 pm

    Thank you for this. This needs to be shared everywhere. I wish every.single.girl knew what this post states. Congratulations on learning the lesson. Yes, you are beautiful; and my Blogosphere is brighter because of YOU, Larissa!


  8. April beyondthesmallgate August 7, 2012 / 6:58 pm

    there now you have one more “Official” follower, Even though I thought I had been following you for months, I am glad you are back and I love that you are confident in yourself. I feel all the same things you feel. It is harder to be a blogger, than it ever was being in middle school or high school. I will also be the first to tell you that I was the definition of all those bad nasty words in both. I didn't find the ” me” the beautiful me, until after I had my son, and well I am only changing myself for me now. Loved your BBQ post, and thanks for encouraging me to go for the vegetarian goal I had set. I went way further, but I am so happy with the change.
    I better quit before we have to consider this a letter versus a comment.


  9. Larissa T. August 7, 2012 / 2:58 pm

    Now I'm curious about the quote!

    Thank you Margi. (: And hey .. at least my socks don't have holes in them … right?


  10. Larissa T. August 7, 2012 / 2:56 pm

    TangledLou, am I glad your back! (:

    Thank you.


  11. Larissa T. August 7, 2012 / 2:54 pm

    Sleepy Joe: Thank you for the kind words and for keeping me company in the “too happy”ness.

    Caroline: I miss you!


  12. Margi August 7, 2012 / 10:14 am

    I read a quote the other day that said something about comparing ourselves to others is always disheartening because we compare our backstage to their front and center. Social media lets us see what others are up to and most people post stuff that presents them in a light they want to be seen in.

    You are beautiful, loving, and happy. You are a gifted photographer and writer. Keep bringing you to this place and know that you are very obviously loved, even by those of us who haven't seen your colorful socks. 🙂


  13. TangledLou August 7, 2012 / 2:08 am

    There are no such things as too loving or too happy. I would never have thought of you as anything other than beautiful, and I all I really have of you are these words from your heart that you write here on your blog.


  14. Winnie August 7, 2012 / 1:49 am

    I am glad you realize you are beautiful! I think your blog is brilliant. You know what is important in life and you are a breath of fresh air to read and I am sure you are inspiring a lot of people.


  15. cdnkaro August 7, 2012 / 1:37 am

    I second sleepy joe! Thanks for this post, Larissa:)


  16. Susi August 7, 2012 / 1:30 am

    Girl, don't look at all those fake blogs out there and compare yourself with them. There are so many people out there who try to show off their perfect lives. But you are honest and authentic, AND beautiful. I've stopped reading those perfect design/craft/whatnot blogs about people's pretty homes and pretty outfits and pretty kids. I prefer the blogs that talk about life as it REALLY is. These are the good and interesting blogs, and you should be proud of your blog and about yourself. Your realization of what matters is sound and good, and there are many people out there who are much older than you who haven't realized that yet.


  17. Sleepy Joe August 6, 2012 / 11:01 pm

    Take it from someone who is trying desperately to rediscover ME; realize who you are, take hold of yourself with both hands and never let yourself go!

    The most beautiful thing in the world is someone confident and happy in their own skin and you are that in bucket loads. Your writing has the perfect amount of happy in and is beautiful because it has so much of you in it!

    PS if there is such a thing as too happy then I am there with you at the moment!


  18. Marianne August 6, 2012 / 9:41 pm

    Thank you.

    Signed, Beautiful is really old maternity shorts that I'm not technically supposed to be wearing. (;


Hey! What's on your mind?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.