After the “I Do” — Welcome to Real Life

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And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:18

Ever since then, people have been looking for someone with whom to share their life. However, delusions often takes over, especially in young minds, and the feeling that they “need, at any cost” to find someone to be happy and complete, often makes them take such hasty steps that they ruin their life here and future eternal life.

After saying “I do”, your life together really begins. Are you really ready for this experience? Let’s go over five things that are important to implement in your married life:

1 – Cling to God
The first step in building solid relationships, at any stage of life, is to strengthen your relationship with God daily.

“Constantly behold Him, and your love for Him will daily become deeper and stronger as it is submitted to the test of trial. And as your love for Him increases, your love for each other will grow deeper and stronger.” — Selected Testimonies, vol. 3, p. 96

2 – Understand that love doesn’t pay the bills
In the past, before the confirmation of the marriage contract, it was customary for the groom to pay a dowry (in money, property, or even work) to the bride’s parents. After he proved he was a worthy man and a good provider, the dowry was returned to the bride at the wedding. Parents didn’t hand their daughters over to men who didn’t know how to manage their money.

Even today, it’s necessary to carefully analyze whether the person with whom we want to unite our life is someone who knows how to manage finances wisely, providing what is necessary for family happiness and saving/investing in the best way to provide for possible future needs. Whether both work outside the home or just one, both need to learn how to manage their finances. Many marital problems could be avoided, and many marriages saved, if everyone recognized that the lack of financial control is one of the great causes of divorce.

Need help managing your finances? Check out our personal finance series.

3 – Learn to deal with your emotions
At times in your married life, you may become stressed. Learn to deal with discomfort. There’s no room for spoiled behavior or the belief that you are always right. Learn to give in, not take out your frustrations on your spouse or family members, and to have the heart and wisdom to understand the other. Love and forgiveness must always go hand in hand. Resolve the small issues as quickly as you can, before they become big barriers. If you realize that you won’t be able to talk with patience, care, and love at that moment, then talk about it later. Just don’t leave the small issues unresolved.

4 – Know that your spouse has defects and will acquire new ones
The person you love has faults that you may never have noticed, but don’t focus your energies on them. If you can, help him overcome them, but remember that there are things only God can do. Therefore, devote more time to praying for your spouse than to mourning. You are also a person full of faults, and yet someone chose to love you.

“As life with its burden of perplexity and care meets the newly wedded pair, the romance with which imagination so often invests marriage disappears. Husband and wife learn each other’s character as it was impossible to learn it in their previous association. This is a most critical period in their experience. The happiness and usefulness of their whole future life depend upon their taking a right course now. Often they discern in each other unsuspected weaknesses and defects; but the hearts that love has united will discern excellencies also heretofore unknown. Let all seek to discover the excellencies rather than the defects. Often it is our own attitude, the atmosphere that surrounds ourselves, which determines what will be revealed to us in another.” MH 360

5 – Do more, demand less
The Bible teaches us that if everyone prioritized the other, we would be infinitely happier. Love doesn’t pursue its own interests. (1 Corinthians 13:5).

Let each give love rather than exact it. Cultivate that which is noblest in yourselves, and be quick to recognize the good qualities in each other. The consciousness of being appreciated is a wonderful stimulus and satisfaction. Sympathy and respect encourage the striving after excellence, and love itself increases as it stimulates to nobler aims.” MH 361

Lastly, our wish for your relationship is this: “Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of each other. Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be as it were the very beginning of love.” MH 360

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