After the “I Do” — A guide to your first night together

Some people plan their honeymoon as if it were just another trip, with the goal of enjoying or discovering a new location. But this is also a very important and private moment, when the couple will get to know each other in a more intimate manner. A marriage is only considered officially consummated after sexual intercourse, and may be annulled if the act doesn’t take place.

I believe that everyone who has been married experienced a little “fear of the unknown” shiver when they thought of what was to come after the wedding ceremony and reception. But remember that everything God does is wonderful, and the consummation of your marriage is a natural thing. There’s no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed. Regardless of your body’s unique characteristics, your love is already aware of them and loves every part of you. Don’t turn this special moment into a moment of martyrdom for the insecurities you can’t change. Accept the fact that if he married you, it’s because you are beautiful and very loved. Find your confidence and don’t hide. It’s now that you must begin to cultivate the freedom to be yourself without filters, and—gasp—without clothes!

It’s normal to be nervous, so let’s take some time to remember some important points.

1 – Have you ever heard about pre-nuptial health check-ups? Yes, they exist and are worth including in the list of important appointments leading up to your wedding. It is essential to visit a gynecologist before getting married, familiarize yourself with contraceptive methods, and analyze the pros and cons of each for your health and lifestyle. Research each method in depth and seek the opinion of other professionals. Many young couples fail to enjoy the fullness of their sex life because they use a contraceptive method that often brings more harm than good. And remember, the only method to guarantee you won’t have a child is abstinence. If you are not inclined to give up your sexual relationship, both of you must understand that pregnancy is always a possibility.

2 – Everything will be okay. Inexperience is part of the process. Theory isn’t always like practice. Learn together and make everything as light and fun as possible. This is a time of learning and discovery, and things tend to get better as long as you have mutual patience and love. Sex is God’s gift to us. Know how to enjoy it with wisdom, respecting limits, avoiding excesses, and never abusing your marital privileges. Over time, analyze what makes you comfortable and what can make the moment uncomfortable. Be sure to talk about this subject freely to avoid unpleasant consequences in the future. Read over some of our other articles on sexuality like Orgasms 101 and Why Talk About Sex.

3 – Don’t worry so much about the clothes. Years from now, both of you will likely have forgotten what you wore. It’s obvious that a nice négligée, a robe, and pretty lingerie make us feel more powerful and confident, but investing in your personal hygiene should be the most important habit to take with you for life. Well brushed teeth, fresh breath, and a daily shower are the basics. As for the rest, wear your favorite perfume and enjoy your company.

4 – You will start your sex life, so invest in condoms. If you think it’s normal to buy contraceptives, also normalize the purchase of condoms. At first, a lubricant can be very welcome, which may become unnecessary with time.

5 – Take it slow. There’s absolutely no reason why you need to go “all the way” on the first night. After months of planning a big day, after a long day of festivities, and after years of modest courtship, it may be hard to shift gears so quickly. Talk this over with your fiancé now, and be prepared to listen and respect your body. Take your time. Remove the pressure and expectation. Enjoy each other’s company and your new liberties. There’s a lifetime of discovery ahead.

6 – Pray about it. Guess what, God knows when you have sex. It’s not something you have to hide from Him, so don’t be afraid to pray over this part of your relationship too. Take your anxieties and concerns to Him, even about this subject.

Now, enjoy the place you’ve chosen for your special retreat. Whether it’s in a 5-star hotel or in your own house, facing the sea, or in a small house in the countryside, enjoy the delights of life as a couple. Always reaffirm why you chose each other, always petition the presence of Jesus in your lives to strengthen your marriage.

Together with these things, the most important part of your new life is to love each other. Love is what holds everything together in perfect unity.

Colossians 3:14 (Easy to Read Version)

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